I like some acronyms. Some are funny. Some are informative. Others just sound cool. However, for every good acronym, there are about one hundred horrible ones. An organization I'm a part of at school is UIR, which stands for UROP In Residence. UROP stands for Undergraduate Research Opportunity Program. Basically, UROP sets up unsuspecting freshmen with lazy research professors who make them do monkey work in the labs. UROP is supposed to get undergrads ready to enter the world of research, whether it be in biomed, psychology, engineering, etc. For UIR, they took about 100 freshmen and put them into a dorm together. Apparently, putting these people together makes their learning experience more worthwhile or some crap like that. Anyway, I was a part of UIR last year (where I slaved away at the most boring job imaginable, but that's a rant for another time), and now I work as a mentor to the damn freshmen. I'm supposed to help them get projects and help them get acquainted with the campus, but it's a shit job that nobody cares about nor does anything for.

With me so far? 'Cause it's about to get more complicated....

At the beginning of the year, the head of UIR, Sally, was fired for supposedly making "racist" comments to an African American guy living in the dorm. Apparently this guy, Terrence, said something funny once, and Sally said something about Peanuts, then asked this guy if his "people watched Peanuts." This guy went public with his story and Sally was fired.

[Aside: I do not condone racism in any form. That said, I don't consider what Sally said to be racism. I know Sally personally and don't think she'd ever say anything racist on purpose. If anything, it was just a stupid comment she made without thinking, and Terrence took it too personally. Also, I have reason to believe he had a vendetta against Sally; last year, he was rejected by Sally to be a Residental Advisor for UIR. Hearing from people who know him personally, they say he never forgave Sally for that.]

To make sure the program doesn't get a black eye, the interim director of the program, Darilis, decides to change the name of the program. She then sends an email to the floor and asks everyone to vote on a new name for the program. The nominees are:

Michigan Research Community (MRC)-- This one is bad because it's very similar to Michigan Learning Communities (MLC), which is the program that includes all of the learning communities here, including UIR.
Community Research Experience at Michigan (CREaM)-- I like this one only because "cream" makes many people (read: perverts like me) think of semen.
Research Community In Residence (RCIR)-- What's the point of changing the name of the program if you keep 2/3 of the original words in the name? This one if just bad.
Research Opportunity Program (ROP)-- I like this one because it's so stupid. UROP stands for Undergraduate Opportunity Program. Take out the "undergraduate" part and you get ROP. What's this tell people who apply to the program? That the only difference between the two programs is the "undergraduate" part, and that's one of the few things that the two programs actually have in common!
Research Initiative Program (RIP)-- Like CREaM, this one is kinda funny because of what it could also stand for. I'll be honest: I hate UIR. I like the idea of renaming the program to "Rest In Peace."

One of my friends, Rob, came up with the perfect new name for UIR: Community-based Reseach and Assistance Program, or CRAP. When Darilis first asked people for suggestions to rename the program, Rob, the quick mind that he is, sent her the name Community-Based Research Activities (CoBRA). Modified a little, this seemingly innocent acronym changes to CRAP, which is what UIR has become. Furthermore, as stupid as Darilis is, she never realized what CoBRA actually stood for. She promptly made CoBRA one of the nominees.

Thinking about it the other day, I realized just how good a name CoBRA/CRAP was. For CoBRA, they'd already have a logo, and I think it'd be pretty funny to call Darilis the CoBRA Commander. For CRAP, there are many websites they could turn to for advice. Also, Darilis would be the supreme Shithead.

If you've gotten this far into the rant, then you actually care about what I'm writing. If that's the case, please email Darilis and tell her you want the new name of the program to be CoBRA! I'd like it no more than to be able to see Darilis buy a whole bunch of new stationary for her office, just to find out later that she works for CRAP.

Okay, that's all. Go home now.